Editing Question

editing writing question and need guidance to help me learn.

I have attached an essay that was written to submit for an application to a university. What I need done is for someone to revise the essay and make it better by following the guidelines listed on page 3 and 4
The art we see, the stories we read, and the words we hear have the power to move us and to change us. Tell us about a time that you’ve been moved to act by something you read, a speech you heard, or a work of art that you experienced. What was it, and how did it impact you? What did you do – or what will you do – in response? (500)
For a long time, I was unsure about what I wanted to do because I was torn between the career paths of earning a degree in business administration and pursuing a career in esthetics with it, or becoming a teacher to help the children of future generations. I knew that regardless of what I chose, I wanted to make a difference in people’s lives one way or another. My love for business came from my childhood desire to own a business, which evolved from initially wanting an ice cream truck where I would offer henna services in the back to connect with my culture, then a restaurant, and finally, a grocery store since they always fascinated me. As I grew older I tried my hand at baking and candle making, but my interest in esthetics blossomed during the pandemic when I became deeply involved in skincare and facials due to my exposure to TikTok. I then began experimenting with waxing myself, my mom, and my sister because it offered longer periods of hair-free skin and I learned it was another part of esthetics. It was during this time that I watched ‘Legally Blonde’ for the first time, and Elle’s graduation speech resonated with me: ‘In my three years at Harvard, I have come to find that passion is a key ingredient in the study and practice of law – and of life. It is with passion, courage of conviction, and a strong sense of self that we take our next steps into the world.’ This speech reminded me to always pursue my passions, which, in my case, included owning my own business. It encouraged me not to be afraid to move forward with my dreams and to have confidence in my decisions. I rewatched the movie in my junior year anthropology class, and the same speech struck me once again. It was then that I decided I would obtain a degree in business management and pursue a career in esthetics, with the hope of establishing my own practice one day. I am still passionate about helping people, and I hope to achieve this by helping them feel better about themselves in their own skin, along with providing proper education on how they can do so safely at home. Another passion I hope to continue pursuing is helping children through substitute teaching. It’s important to be confident with each step you take toward the future, but it’s even more important to be passionate about your end goal, as it is what drives you.
Title: Embracing My Passions: A Journey from Uncertainty to Purpose
In the crossroads of life, we often find ourselves torn between different paths, uncertain of which way to go. For a significant part of my life, I grappled with the dilemma of choosing between business administration, esthetics, and teaching. However, through a series of experiences and reflections, I have discovered my true passions and the driving force behind my dreams. This essay chronicles my journey from uncertainty to clarity, as I found my path in the world and realized the importance of passion and confidence in pursuing one’s goals.
1. Childhood Dreams and the Spark of Business
– My childhood dreams were filled with entrepreneurial aspirations, from wanting an ice cream truck with henna services to envisioning a restaurant or grocery store.
– The initial allure of business and the desire to connect with my culture through my ventures.
2. The Evolution of Interests
– As I grew older, I experimented with baking and candle making, exploring my creativity and curiosity.
– The pivotal role of the pandemic, during which my fascination with esthetics was born, driven by a newfound interest in skincare and facials.
– The discovery of waxing as a part of the esthetics world and my experiments in this field.
3. The Impact of ‘Legally Blonde’
– The profound influence of the movie ‘Legally Blonde’ and its iconic graduation speech.
– The message of embracing passion and having confidence in one’s decisions, resonating with my own journey.
– A turning point in my decision-making process and the realization that I should pursue my dreams with unwavering conviction.
4. Defining My Path
– The final decision to pursue a degree in business management and a career in esthetics.
– The long-term goal of establishing my own esthetics practice to help people feel better about themselves in their own skin.
– The importance of education and safety in esthetics, with a commitment to provide proper guidance.
– The parallel passion for helping children through substitute teaching, nurturing the future generations.
In my journey from uncertainty to clarity, I have come to understand the profound significance of passion and confidence in one’s path. My dreams of entrepreneurship, coupled with my newfound love for esthetics and my desire to help children through teaching, have led me to the realization that I can make a difference in people’s lives. I am now resolute in my commitment to pursue my passions, whether it be in the world of business administration or in the realm of esthetics and teaching. This journey has not only brought me clarity but also the unwavering belief that true fulfillment lies in following one’s passions.


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